Confrontation on the Course

I did some errands for my dear mother this morning and then headed up to TPC to hit some golf balls.

As expected, I felt so good after hitting a pyramid of balls, I told Toni in the golf shop I'd like to go out.

She asked, "Would you mind playing with Mr. Barber?"

"Nope, that'll be fine," I said.

Skip, who is the starter, met us on the #1 tee. He spied the first hole through squinty, marlboro-cured eyes, and barked, "Start on #2, there are 2 foursomes here on #1."

"Thanks Skip," I replied, and sped off right behind Bill Barber.

As we went past the green on #1, the guys lining up their putts hollered, "Go to #3!"

We ignored them and proceeded to the tee box on #2 just as the starter had told us to do.

We both ripped drives right down the center of the fairway. Bill, who had his own cart, sped to his ball first, pulled out an iron, and knocked it about 10 feet from the stick. I was just lining up to hit my ball when a ball came bouncing down the fairway. It was the guys behind us "making a statement."

I didn't take kindly to this and uttered, "This aggression will not stand.MAN."

I struck my ball and thanks to being pumped up, I put it about 20 feet past the hole. I drove to the green and then decided to go back and make sure they weren't going to hit into us again while we were on the green.

The jawing started pretty much the second I turned around and headed back to them. It was me against these 2 black dudes (the entire foursome was made up of African's). About 100 feet away, I hollered, "Why are you hitting into us?"

The leader of the group said, "Why did you cut in front of us?"

I replied, "Because the starter told us to go to #2."

We were about thisclosetogether. It reminded me of the fights umpires and baseball managers would have.

He goes, "I'm not afraid of you."

I replied, "You want to get after it right now?"

His brother was standing about 10 feet away and I pressed on. "Why did you hit into us? We are a two-some and would have been gone in another 10 seconds."

"You should have asked us to play through," he said.

I replied, "Not when the starter told us to go to #2."

Now I'm really getting pissed. I got about 6 inches away from the dude and said, "If you hit into us again, I am going to take your ball and shove it up your ass."

Uh..oh....He became ENRAGED when I said and bellowed, "What did you just say?"

"You heard exactly what I said!"

He yells back, "I'm not afraid of you."

I replied, "And you think I'm afraid of you? Bring it on." I did have a pitching wedge in my hand, and my mother-of-pearl grip 45 caliber automatic pistol in my golf bag a few feet away so I wasn't too worried about the black guy in linen pants, and a polo shirt.

The 3rd guy enters the fracas and says, "Everybody just cool it." He had a "USC Trojans" golf shirt on.

I said again, "Don't hit into us man, that is not cool."

Meanwhile, Mr. Barber, the guy I was playing with had slinked up to the 3rd hole. He was no help whatsoever although he did make some funny comments later on.

I putted out, and played on.....we never saw them again. I found out later why.

The marshall came by about 3 holes later and said, "What the hell happened?"

He then immeidately said, "Are you guys okay?" As if 4 black guys on a golf course posed an immediate threat to life and limb.

Apparently the group was asked to leave after 9 holes which can only mean this: Don't cross King Keith.I remained pretty fired up for most of the round and hit alot of approach shots LONG.

I ended up going 39-38. It was a ho-hum 77. Not one birdie either. Must have rimmed the cup at least 5 times too.

I got home and jumped in the pool to cool off since I was cookin'. I sucked down on a lemon-lime gatorade and felt very refreshed....then the phone rang.

It was some dude looking for Janae and selling food storage.

I said that Janae was in Australia for the next couple of weeks and that we had plenty of food storage. He pressed forward with his sales pitch despite my statement of "being good."

I then said "You know, I have A TON of gift cards to Jack-in-th-Box, Macayo's, and Flemmings," in case something comes up. That obviously made no sense but I was just having fun with him. As if the world was crashing down around us, I would order at the drive through at Jacko's....or enjoy a sit-down filet at Flemmings. He wasn't getting it - he was reading right off of a script.

Then I said, "You know, I have alot of guns and ammunition too, so I don't think I'm too worried about getting something to eat." He says, "Oh, are you a hunter?"

"Noooooo, not really. I'll just use my guns to make sure my family has food." I know that's not the politically correct thing to say, but if Albertsons of Vons runs out of doritos, ground beef, and diet pepsi, then I'll take whatever means necessary to get it.

Oh, and if you are my friend, I will make sure you have plenty of food too. I am nothing if not loyal. Semper Fidelis. Yeah, I have alot of ammo and am a very good shot.

So today was confrontational. I can't say I liked it, but I can't I necessarily disliked it. Things come at us each day. We need to be prepared to stand up for what we believe in. We need to be loyal to those things we hold dear. If I'm your friend, I've got your back. No matter what. You can count on me.