Tuesday, September 15, 2009

One of Those Days.....

It all began with the dogs barking. Their barks woke me up - turns out that Tony was making the rounds spraying for bugs.

He's smart, he knows if he shows up early we'll be out cold and we won't invite him to spray the inside of the house - saves him money. The dogs must have heard his footsteps when he slid the bill inside the garage door - then they went beserk. As usual. Uggghhhh....only 7:30am.

At lunchtime I picked up my brother and gave him a pep talk on our ride to his job interview. I dropped him off and went to grab some lunch at Panda.

Always the gentleman, I opened the door for two ladies who approached the door when I did and who would soon torment me.

I dislike waiting, lines of any kind annoy me. Traffic? Can't stand it. People who can't make up their mind? The worst.

Friends and family tell me I'm impatient....I'll concede, but really I'm only intolerant with stupid people.

And so the ladies who I tended the door for wander up to the line at Panda. The girl behind the counter says in somewhat broken but discernable english, "How can I help you?"

"Uh.........What are you going to have?" the loud one says to the other.

I could tell right then that it was going to take every ounce of patience in my body to not walk out right then.

"Which is better....heehee"

I hate this question. What I like may be the complete opposite of what you like. I'm already past being impatient.

A few more "which is better" comments and giggles about the Mandarian chicken or the egg rolls and Lucy and Ethel had managed to make their way around the bend and to the cashier. I had every reason to believe I was in the clear. Home free.

That is, until I got to the soda machine for my delicious diet pepsi juice. Lady #2 was trying multiple sodas and snapping her lips together, loudly, like it was a national on camera taste test. I actually thought she was doing it on purpose - a sort of Candid Camera meets Punk'd. Nope. She just stood there blocking all access to ice and sweet carbonated soda.

I filled up my cup after she wandered off and was nearly knocked over when she stopped suddenly (like people do in the airport - this is also VERY frustrating for Keith) and spun around - forgetting utensils.


She was almost wearing my rice and orange chicken. By then I had pretty much lost my appetite. I had a few bites and took off - diet pepsi in hand.

I got home late from work and was reminded by my wife that it was our night to help clean the church.

"Uh, huh...." I croaked.

Cleaning our own church? How bad are things going to get? When is Obama going to turn the Las Vegas switch back on?

We met up with the other family at the chapel and assignments were made. I felt a lot of eyeballs on me when the "Bathroom and Toilet" assignment was tossed out.....

"Okay, I'll do bathrooms and toilets."

There, I said it. Gulp.

We were prepared however. Janae had tossed 1/2 dozen disposable gloves in the car on the way over. I was glad for this. I pulled on the gloves and went to work.

The smell hit me first.

What is that SMELL?????

The kid emptying the trash cans twisted up his face and went, "eewwwwwww, that stinks."

"Amen to that brother."

I propped open the door and went to locate the cause of this putridness. To my surprise, the toilets were all spotless. Thank goodness. I mean, I'll clean the restrooms as long as they are already clean.

But seriously, what is that smell and where is it coming from?

Hunter located the culprit.

Trash can.


From Sunday.

I told him to empty the trash into a larger bag and get outside as fast as you can.

We had the same problem in the ladies room only it was WORSE. More diapers and it two separate trash cans.

The last time I was in a ladies room was when I was 21 or 22 so forgive me for not remembering that women have special little compartment in their stalls that also need to be emptied. I laughed like hell about this for really no other reason than the fact I was doing it.

The cleanup complete and I have to say, the restrooms have never looked AND smelled so good. I got those rooms aired out in no time.

Memo to those with little kids: Take out your smelly diapers.

And don't slow me down.

Monday, September 14, 2009

The NFL is back. The world is now as it should be.

Forget the political name calling. Who is Joe Wilson?

US Open tennis? Sadly, 2009 will be remembered for Serena's verbal attack on the lineswoman that was epic, unforgettable and alarming. She laughed it off and apologized two days later and then, comically, AMENDED her apology the day after that. "I, uh, wants to apologize to the lineslady for what I says...." Pathetic. But humorous in how she and her "team" ultimately handled the train wreck. Badly.

The tournament SHOULD be remembered for a mom finally winning. Kim Clijsters is adorable and is well liked by everyone. I'm glad she won. On the men's side, Federer was beaten in a very good final by Juan Martin Del Potro who is just 20 years old. Cool.

7:15pm Monday.....

Uggghhhhh.....just watch Buffalo lose to New England on MNF. There must be some curse out there on the Bills, the city of Buffalo or the owner Ralph Wilson. Maybe all three had hexes placed on them? Leading 24-19, all the bills had to due was take a kickoff and run out the clock with 2 minutes to go. The return guy for Buffalo wanted to be a hero and took the ball out of the endzone, raced into a pile of humanity and had the ball twisted out of his hands while his head was being ripped off....Patriots ball. They have Tom Brady. He threw a couple of laser beams, scored and won 25-24. The bills lost because they are the bills - loveable losers.

The Cincy-Denver game was also a mess. Both teams deserved to lose and somehow you just knew it would be the Bengals. It's always the Bengals. I watched HBO's "Hard Knocks" this summer which profiled Cincinnati's team this year so naturally I grew fond of the team and their constant struggle to turn the corner and make the playoffs. Alas, on the last play of the game, a tipped ball turned into an 87 yard pass play that went for a touchdown for the equally hapless Broncos. I think Cincy may be able to turn the season around while Denver will be lucky to win 5 games. Getting rid of Cutler was silly and stupid although he looked horrible for Chicago last night. Me thinks his helmet rides too low and he can't see.

Raiders-Chargers throwback uniforms are way cool. I have 4 players in the game on my fantasy football team - all play for San Diego, sorry Jason. The Raiders will be bad again this year. But next year they can draft Crabtree.

My beloved Eagles are also snakebit but not in an embarassing way like Buffalo or Cincy who continue to torment their fans. The eagles don't necessarily do dumb stuff, it's just that weird things happen to their players - injuries, fumbles at key times, interceptions also at key moments in games. I suppose the best way to describe the eagles is that they don't catch any breaks. Ever. The had home field advantage in the NFC title game. Three times. And lost TWICE. Tampa Bay even beat them in Philly in January. This team hails from Florida and the stat that reporters kept bringing up was that when the game time temperature was under 40 degrees, they had never won. Well the thermometer was stuck at 20 degrees on the day they beat the eagles. Lost to Carolina the same way. This is my nightmare each football season. Join the club.

Last night I heard rumblings about "something" Kanye West did on the MTV Music Video Awards and Youtube'd it before going to bed. Sure enough, the guy storms the stage after Taylor Swift had won an award and grabs the microphone and babbles something about how Beyonce had the best selling video of all time - "I'm just sayin'" and then he shrugged his shoulders and wandered off the stage..... and was then escorted out of the auditorium. What an idiot. Not the first time he did something stupid. He's just a stupid dude.

Raider-Charger game is the equivalent of taking an ambien. I might make it to the end. I might not.

Don't care.

Sleeping good lately. Bipap machine plus supplemental oxygen at night. Sure, with all the breathing stuff in the house you would think an old geezer lived here. Nope. Just me. It's cool though. New magic sleep machine and new Oxygen machine equals good night's sleep for KAR.

Night, night.