Sunday, August 31, 2008

It Has Begun







Football season has commenced. The wait is over. It's like a dark cloud has been lifted from overhead. The earth is back to spinning on its axis. All is as it should be. I can see clearly now.

At last.

For me, nothing compares to football. Between now and February I will be completely engrossed with college and pro football.

This time of the year also means that the heckling starts all over again. I loved watching my beloved Utes beat Michigan today in the big house even though the referees were on Rich Rodriguez's payroll. I would have loved to have been in Ann Arbor cheering for Utah.

Now the fun starts. I have to believe that Utah and BYU are on a collision course to meet for all the marbles on November 22. Winner goes to a BCS game, loser gets some crappy early December game against a team like Navy or Tulsa.

The BYU-Shi'ite fan is already preparing arguments that non-conference games against Washington, Northern Iowa and UCLA are proof that the program merits a BCS game no matter if they go 12-0 or 9-3. The shi'ite has also written in Max Hall's name for the Heisman Trophy that goes to the country's most outstanding player. For the next 3+ months I will hear all sorts of outrageous arguments about BYU and their greatness.
I just groan.

Friday, August 29, 2008

McCain 2008





I arose this morning eager to learn of who John McCain selected as his running mate for the upcoming Presidential election. I pulled up CNN.com and that thud you heard was me hitting the floor.

I'm sure Sarah Palin is a nice person. I'm sure she has a good head on her shoulders. By now, we all know it's a pretty head but whats inside it? She has 2 years experience as Governor of Alaska, and a few years of being Mayor in a tiny town close to the arctic circle. I think she was also the runner-up for Miss Alaska. It's true, look it up.

Is this a person we are comfortable with being a heartbeat away from the Presidency?
Sure the job of vice president goes by largely unnoticed. The VP is like the losing team in the Super Bowl. If you think hard about it, the name will come to you...eventually.

Cabinet members and leaders in Congress get far more press than the VP. That is UNTIL something happens to the President. McCain is 71 years old. He looks old. He has battle scars. He too is a decent person. I like John McCain. I am concerned about his health. Does he have the motor to spend 4 years, let alone 8 years as POTUS? Look who is backing him up.

Surely if McCain wanted to pick a women he could have done better. Personally,I would rather see Hillary Clinton as his VP than this gal. At least a Clinton pick would have spiced up the election. Palin is so unprepared for the global stage that it is embarrassing. Romney, Ridge, Lieberman, Rice, Powell all would have brought leadership, experience and RESPECT to this race. Now? More questions. More debate about the person than about the issues we need to confront - the stumbling ecomony, the war in Iraq, our position about the Russia/Georgia dispute, North Korea, high fuel prices, crime, student education, etc... We have plenty of work to do at home yet we're going to spend the next 65 days watching republicans point their fingers at democrats - and vice versa.

Didn't McCain attack Obama for his lack of experience and now he's brought in someone even more inexperienced than Obama? Is McCain trying to lure the women vote, ie Hillary supporters, by having a female running mate? If this is true, then it's a pathic move. I'm sure his next choice would have been an African American to try and suck votes away from Obama. To think the electorate will vote along racial and gender lines is juvenile. It worked in Junior High. It won't work at this level.

I watched Palin speak this morning on CNN and she had alittle bit of the "deer in the headlights" look on her face. Granted, she probably got the call to fly to Columbus last night and that would put anyone on edge, but I remain skeptical of this decision to have her as the VP running mate.


This is going to be an interesting election. I only hope that McCain can pull it off.

McCain 2008

Thursday, August 28, 2008

A Fine Day on the Links

Hot than the hinges of hell today. Humid. Steamy.

Wandered over to the Greek joint for lunch and wolfed down a lemon herb chicken pita.

I was glad I had something to eat because Rod and I decided to get out and play a quick 18 around 3pm today. Yeah it was hot, but we absolutely jammed around the golf course. The only group we saw the entire round was Michael Jordan's posse (again....three days in a row for this guy. Does he EVER work?). We played in 2 hours 15 minutes.

We rolled up on MJ on #10 while he was putting out on #18. He was wearing plaid pink slacks and a pink shirt. No one pulls this off except maybe me....pink. You gotta be secure to wear pink.

I had a thoroughly enjoyable time on the links with Rod. Rod is a better man than he is a golfer, but that would be true even if he shot an even par 72. He's a great business partner, a wonderful father, and has always been a fine example to me and my boys.

Trying to reduce the animal population in our home so we can get our sanity back. My mom is taking 2 of the cats so we'll be left with 2 of our own. The three dogs, while great individually, are driving us crazy. I'm okay keeping 1 of them....even 2 if I had to. Three is too many. HELP! If anyone is looking for a nice dog, call me.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Adventures at TPC Summerlin....Again




I had to wonder why a lot of the employees were standing around outside the clubhouse this afternoon as I pulled up to park, hit some balls on the range, shoot the breeze with the bag boys, and then slammed some putts.

I found out why the folks were waiting soon enough.

Michael Jordan was playing the course today.

Yeah, THAT Michael Jordan.

The beverage cart gal was tooling around and when she caught up with us on #11, she apologized for the delay in service. She said,, "You know, Michael Jordan is playing today and it has slowed everything down."

One of my playing partners, Mike Rose, snapped his head around so fast upon learning this and stammered, "Who, wha...wha...what did you just say?"

"Don't let 'em know I told you, but Michael Jordan just teed off on the front nine." She said.

Wade calculated that he was likely on either 8 or 9 as we played 18. We were flying around the course, and we managed a quick 18 in under 3 hours

Mike immediately called his wife, "Ange, bring the BYU scrapbook AND our wedding album....AND my BYU Basketball Golf shirt....the one that says, 'Varsity' on it."

I was laughing my guts out. No wonder my scores were a tad bloated (84).

I then went into an impromtu comedy routine that was insane-funny. First of all, EVERYONE knows I am the reigning office 3-point champ. You have to beat me in order to earn the crown. I haven't been beat in years.

2nd point....EVERYONE knows I run the give and go better than Johnny Stockton. Give me a strong low-post player, and we can run circles around people. It's true, look it up.

To the point: I believe MJ pushed off when he hit the shot against Utah in the 1998 finals. It was the shot that broke an entire state's heart. The refs were too busy watching Michael to know what to call.

I desperately wanted to invite him over for a BBQ and school him in some pool basketball but the pace of play didn't allow us to time the round properly. He was playing in like an 8-some, and we sped around the course in like 3 hours.

I played poorly today. No excuse really. Nah, it wasn't Michael who had me all wound up. I just felt bloated and stiff......not my usual lean-mean-fightin machine self. Frustrating.

Janae and I met up with Miss Amy for dinner tonight and then wandered over to Dairy Queen for some ice cream. She is doing GREAT. We adore her.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Lead, Follow or Get Outta My Way




I had ANOTHER incident at TPC yesterday. Played in a threesome and was chasing another group of 3 hacks for the entire front 9. The guys we were trailing (of course) all played from the back tees although they could barely hit it past the ladies tee box, zig-zagged all of the fairway in their golf carts like the keystone kops on a car chase and took their sweet-ass time lining up to hit every-single-shot. They each stalked the greens like Tiger lining up their putts as if a gold medal was on the line. Watching this unfold before me was pure torture. For someone with zero patience, the term "ballistic" quickly comes to mind. On #9 we were 250 yards out and I groaned, somewhat audibly, "C'mon guys. Give it to him." (meaning to let the guy have his putt [to speed things up] and to put us out of our misery). We finish the hole and raced up to #10. One of the guys says to no one in particular,

"Go ahead and play through."

Being polite, I say, "You sure?"

He goes, "Well, we heard you on the last hole."

Another guy in the group sarcastically quips, "And why are we letting them play through? There is another group in front of us!"

The tension in the air was palpable.

Finally, I had had enough of this crap, and told the guy to put his dukes up so we could "get it on." Fists were flying. After I decked him, bloodied his nose, bent his driver and stomped on his glasses, I told him we'd play through his group AND the group in front of us AND anyone else who wanted to hold us up and that he'd ALSO better keep his mouth shut. What's the big deal with letting people who are faster play through? It's golf etiquette 101. Heck, it's an unwritten rule. Golf is a gentleman's game - doesn't anyone get this anymore or is it just me?

I managed to shoot a 76. This was after the 75 I threw down on Wednesday. I bought a new Taylor Made "Spider" putter the other day and as with any new club purchase, I have had a wonderful honeymoon phase. After the first 6 holes on Wednesday I was 3 under. It was my first day with the new flat stick and I was rolling the ball nice and tight. I have a bad habit and it's that I often take the putter back too far and often decelerate on my stroke - both are bad tendencies. My new putter looks like something I would put together in the garage with discarded plumbing stuff and sheet metal, but you know what? It works. I also like all the chrome on it.

"Hottest putter on the market," quipped the assistant golf pro.

"Yikes, I have to have it then," I said. "I need all the new stuff I can lay my mitts on."

Admittedly, the thermometer in Las Vegas in late July and early August robs my body of energy AND, unbelievably, the desire to play golf. Frankly, this happens each summer...gets worse each year too. We always leave our summer vacation in comfy Oceanside's 75 degree weather, blue skies and nice environment to come sizzle in the oven that is Las Vegas for a few more months.

Next year I booked Oceanside for 1 month.

The fellas on the golf course down there are nicer too.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Olympic Blog #3

The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses - behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights.

The quote above is by Muhummad Ali. I like it because it applies to any endeavor. For him it was about winning or losing a fight. For the pianist, the few moments in front of an audience are backed up by thousands of hours of private practice no doubt fingers swollen and bloodied by the ivory keyboard (okay, that's a stretch). For Alec it is about studying for laughingly difficult math and physics tests. For the artist who paints, draws, sculpts or makes music they all start as beginners. As I watch the Olympics, I am reminded of this and that the countless hours each of these people sacrifice to do something they are passionate about. It is, for the most part, a lonely sacrifice. I tip my hat to anyone who works to be the best in their field whether or not it's acadamia, sports, music, or the arts. As my boys will attest, one of my gold bricks I lobbed to them years ago is a simple piece of advice: work hard, do more than what is asked of you and don't ever, ever complain. Unless of course you want me to stick a boot in your rear end.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Day 17- No Socks






When I left 2+ weeks ago on vacation I made a vow to avoid socks and long pants for as long as possible.

Here's an update:

Aside from a round of golf one morning nearly 2 weeks ago, I have been able to keep socks off my feet for some 18 days straight now. I even made it to church on Sunday (twice) sans socks...sort of a style statement don't you think?

As far as the long pant thing goes....well I did manage to go without them for 9 days and then sported a pair (why do we call it a "pair" of slacks? think about it) for church on Sunday - and then for work during the week except for Friday when I wore my swim trunks. No big deal - I work the phones and email non-stop from 7am until 10pm. It's why I am known as "The Hardest Working Man in the Insurance Business." During the summer months, I do come home at least once a day to dive in the pool and cool off. Sometimes I do this 3 or 4 times a day. I told Janae that I believe I have spend more time in the pool this year, than in the previous 6 years combined. It's true, look it up.



During college and after I graduated, it was sort of a big deal to wear a suit to work everyday. That was the business climate in Chicago back in the day - still is I suppose. It doesn't matter so much in Las Vegas and certainly not to me. I think everyone should cultivate their own style. For me, slacks and a golf shirt are clean and comfy...plus I can dash out on the links for a quick round and only have to change my shoes. To be frank, guys in suits are, well...suits. Prone to being uptight, bottom line oriented, rigid people with leased Beemer's, mortgages, kids in private school, and a wife who likes to shop at Nordstroms.

As an empty-nester my role as a provider is diminishing. I acknowledge I will write fewer checks but for more money for the next few years :-). Serioulsy though, in four years or so my expenditures will be down to nearly zero dollars. Or at the most, I will be springing for grandkids toys, clothes and travel expeditions with the family. All good with me. I ABSOLUTELY adore our daughters-in-law...both official and unofficial. Tiff, you know I have your back. Amy...well...you rock. Either you or Jake fumble this deal and know that I will chase you for ETERNITY with a 9 iron. a shotgun and a pack of wild dogs behind me. Jake, don't feel any pressure by the way.

At church today Lenny Whiting spoke of his mission in England. Immediately he felt at ease when I came up afterward talking in my cockney accent and being a bloke. He smiled, laughed, and asked me where "one might find a spot of fish 'n chips." We laughed, patted each other on the back and moved on. A few mintues later I ran into Rishi Daulat who played tennis with the boys and graduated from Bonanza 2 years after Alec and a year before Jake. He attends the University of Texas and is one of the nicest young men I have ever met in my life. He came to see his friend Lenny speak. I am glad my sons were able to call Rishi a friend - he will be a successful adult no matter what field he enters. Props to Rishi.


My Sunday School class is cool. I have a rag-tag group of 15 year-olds who are trying desperately to fit in. Fifteen...think hard about that...what a tough year of our lives.

In class, I spend about 15 minutes on the lesson, and I take the rest of the time to work in how it (the lesson) fits into their every day lives and how they can be better people. The lesson today was from Alma and was about Mercy and Justice. Suffice to say that I put alot more emphasis on how this works in everyday life versus how it worked a few thousand years ago. My class seemed to get it....I hope so.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Wow!






If anyone doubted my affection toward these Olympics allow me to say that I spent Saturday evening watching NBC's numbskull broadcast - they televised the ENTIRE women's marathon....complete with non-stop commentary. Sure it was a yawner but the swim events later in the night MORE than made up for it. Michael Phelps earned his 8th gold medal of these games (his 14th gold and 16th olympic medal overall) and Dara Torres who, at 41 years old, was outraced by 1/100th of a second, to earn a silver medal in the 50 free and later picked up another silver in a relay.

All of the events mentioned above were thrilling to watch and I had to keep from peeking at my computer since the actual races were contested a few hours ago. So much for NBC's sage programming. When the USA relay team was interviewed after the last race, the breaststroke dude who is sort of cross-eyed made a neat comment that LeBron and Kobe were in the stands to watch and he didn't want to "let them down."
You just get the feeling that Kobe spends all day looking at himself in the mirror and refuses to watch anyone else do anything. Seeing him in the stands was refreshing. Cool even. But I still hate the Lakers...although I am easing up on Kobe. Alittle.

So my Phelps predication was flat-out wrong. I had predicted a 6 for 8 games for him, but am glad he went 8 for 8. It's time to retire Mark Spitz - the guy gets dragged out in front of a microphone every 4 years and bungles his way through interviews although he did a decent job this year and praised Phelps as he should have....WE'll get tired of hearing about Phelps too in the next couple of decades, but just like Spitz...he earned it.

How about this Jamaican kid Usain Bolt who SMOKED the field in the 100 meters? He'll race again in the 200. I'm betting on the WR going down in that one too. I'd like to see this cat in an Eagle's uniform running pass routes for Don McNabb.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Blog World





I'm not a big fan of the private blogs. Alot of people are "going private" as if cyberkooks who wandered onto their sites posed a real threat. Blogs were intended to be a forum for people to paste their thoughts on the world wide web and shoot them off into cyberspace for all to see and comment upon. I got nothin' to hide nor do I particularily care if there are villians who read my posts or not. If they do, I hope they laugh like hell.

By having a private group, I would argue that it's not a "blog" anymore. It is a personal diary with a select group of invited readers. Talk about censorship! People seem to get offended too easily today and I'm sure it happens in blogville too. When I was a kid we had a saying that went like this, "sticks and stones will break your bones, but names will never hurt you."

It's true. Look it up.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Fly Like an Eagle











As you can see from the above photos, I'm an Eagles fan. I have been supporting the team since my parents moved to Valley Forge in 1979 where they lived for 12 years. I love all things Philly including the cheesesteaks (especially the cheesesteaks), the eagles, the phillies, the sixers (not so much), and, of course, Rocky. The history is pretty cool too.

I love the eagles the most though. This is our year. Of course I say that every year. Coach Reid has put his kids legal troubles aside and is focused on a run to the Super Bowl. Andy is so big that people actually orbit around him. He's like a big bear. A meat lover to be sure. Our QB Donovan McNabb is finally healthy after years of injuries - a broken foot, a torn ACL....he's ready to start slinging some fastballs. We're fast this year too with the addition of Lorenzo Booker and DeSean Jackson from Cal.

My predication: Eagles go 12-4

I have to pick them for the Super Bowl too.

I have to.

For Jake.

For me.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Jake in Ecuador

video

Jake sent us the attached video of some painting he did with his missionary companion for a church member's home in Ecuador....included in the video is some footage of their lunch.

The video is....uh....interesting.

I don't think Campbell's would sell much of this kind of soup here in the USA. But then again, I'm a vegetarian...except for steaks, hamburgers, sausages, chicken and turkey.

Jake is doing great and as you will see, continues to have his sense of humor.

7.5 months down

We love you Jake.

Go Meat



This post is dedicated to all meat lovers of America. I did give up red meat once except for steaks and hamburgers, but that didn't last for long.

We have one lucky missionary from our ward who is serving in the Milwaukee-Sausage eating mission.

Go Meat

Sunday, August 10, 2008

E=MC2





Props to Alec who did another nice job in school - all A's while majoring in physics. Quantum mechanics? First order differential equations? Organic chemistry? Alec is a rocket scientist who wants to be a brain surgeon. My dad was an engineer and an Ivy League grad so this explains it...has to. I don't even balance my checkbook. Mike Leavitt once told me, "It's better to be charming than smart." Maybe he was jokin?

So Alec has 3 quarters of school left, then off somewhere to medical school. The prospect of he and Tiffany going off on this adventure is really cool. Where will they end up?

Keep up the good work Alec. Oh, and the rest of your life will depend on how you do on your MCAT. Kidding.

Sort of.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Olympic Blog #2





Okay, okay....I'm digging the O-games. All cynicism aside, I am captivated by the original and breathtaking venues, and by the exactness of the athletes purpose and dedication to their sport. Jake's gal Amy dropped by for a spell today and that was great. We watched some of the games, and had a wonderful visit.

I believe I speak for many American's when I say "NBC just needs to show the American's winning massive amounts of medals, preferrably gold ones."

I've been watching the men's gymnastics. They are some seriously talented dudes. The kid who was last on the pommel horse absolutely rocked it - legs flying all over the place. My hips hurt just watching his routine. And get a load of the swimmers. They look as if they are chiseled out of hard rubber, and then stretched another 10%.

I just think how funny any of us middle aged guys would look trying to even get up on a pommel horse....or hang from the rings. My body would drop and my fingers would still be wrapped around the rings. Ouch. Or the high bar....(I'm actually laughing out loud with Janae right now as I think of this - I crack myself up)...I'd MAYBE get to swing back and forth a bit and if I tried to go around, well, let's just say it would be ugly (and funny) as I fell to the earth. Gravity...hurts.

Olympic Blog Post #1



I got home late last night and was egged on by my mom to "turn on the TV and watch the Olympics!"

"Alright already," I said.

I'm afraid that nothing will ever compare to the opening of the 1992 games when a Spanish archer lit the Olympic torch with an arrow from 500 feet. Spectacular. Nothing comes close. Last night's torch lighting? I get a better flame from my backyard grill.

My family will be disppointed but I'm just not a super huge fan of the O-games. The Olympic ideal of citius altius & fortius (faster, higher, stronger)combined with an international appeal of peace, love and harmony is nice in theory and we all want to believe it really exists - I did until I was 20 years old - but while the Russians were marching into the arena TWO NIGHTS AGO, their tanks were rumbling toward Georgia.....the Iranians, Syrians, Moroccons, Saudi's et al absolutely hate our westernized infidel guts. It's nice that they at least hate us in the name of their religion. Does this confuse no one else?

China? 1.3 billion people. 1/5 of the earth's population. Big army. Hmmmmmnnn....interesting.

Okay, so let's just set aside all the BS lovey dovey PR and get kicking some serious ass and winning the medal count OKAY?

Some predictions:

I don't think Michael Phelps will win 8 gold medals. The guy is amazing, the best swimmer ever but I just think that something will trip him up...a teammate in a relay may falter, another swimmer will have the race of their lives. I say he gets 6 gold, 2 silver.

Our ghetto basketballers? Nice to see Kobe acting nice and playing with others during the opening ceremonies. And who doesn't love LeBron? Gold Gold Gold. Easy.

Sprints? USA and Jamaica
Marathon? Easy, ALWAYS the guys from Africa. They run everywhere.
Horse stuff: Brits
Yachting: See Horse Stuff
Anything to do with official's scoring: China (tie goes to the host country - it's true look it up)
Beach Volleyball: USA
Volleyball: USA
Boxing: don't care
Baseball: Cuba
Diving: Rigged
Gymnastics: See DIVING
Rowing: don't care
Archery: Shoot an apple off the top of someone's head like William Tell. Then I'll be impressed.
Shooting: Now we're talking.
Modern Pentathalon: Quick, name the 5 disciplines. See, no one cares
Fencing: Use a gun - its faster
Tennis: I reluctantly grant tennis a spot in the o-games....barely. Nadal and Ivanovic take gold.
Table Tennis: Asian's dominate.
Weightlifting: At last, something measureable. Lift the most weight, you win.
Track and Field: See WEIGHTLIFTING
Cycling: Nah, we just had the TDF and no one knows who won that right? We're Americans, we drive cars.
Field Hockey: YAWN. Saw it in Atlanta.
Trampoline: C'mon man. What next? Monkey bars? Swing set? THREE LEGGED SACK RACE?
Sychronized Swimming: I'm outta of there

Too bad about the American citizen who was killed today in Beijing by a nutty Chinaman who then killed himself by jumping off a 2-story building (I would have gone much higher to make sure...you know...). Sadly, we have to expect stuff like this in the world today. I also think we will see more sad news from China.

Peace

Thursday, August 7, 2008

The Beach



Back at the beach. Janae's been here for 2 weeks and the rest of the crew came down about a week ago. We have a couple of days left to soak up some sun and then it's back to the 115 degree oven that is Las Vegas this time of year. I must confess that I do miss my dogs. Having them in the kennel for a week is rough on them and I'm sure we'll have some rowdy canines to deal with on Saturday but that's cool.

We trekked to Mexico yesterday. Always an interesting experience. Anyone can basically get into Mexico. There's a Mexican official at the border who is usually leaned back on his chair taking a siesta. Going the other way is an entirely different deal. The line to get back to the United States was long, and as anyone knows I don't like lines - I'll pay extra to avoid any type of line. So this guy comes up and says he can get us to the front of the line for $5 bucks each. I slap him a twenty and hurry off behind him up the left side passing all the other creatures in line. We get to the front and he basically pushes us in the front of some people - no special line, it was a scam. We went through the gate and 2 of the border guards point to Alec and Tiffany and tell them they have to go to the back of the line. Instead of leaving them alone in dusty Tijuana, we ALL went to the back of the line. 25 minutes later we were through. What a hassle.

I woke up this morning to some serious giggling. Pony, Jagger and Alec were on the deck with super soaker squirt guns. Apparently there was a couple making out in the jacuzzi and the kids thought it would be funny to douse them with water. "Make it Rain!" I support this sort of tomfoolery 100%.

Golf the other day was tough. We played the always beautiful Aviara. First mistake: Wade makes the time for 7am. We're the first group off the tee. Usually the only thing I'm looking at that hour is the inside of my eyelids. The grass was sopping wet at this time of the day so if you hit into the rough you needed a machete to hack your way out. The good part was that we were done early and went to Mary's to grab some breakfast and then go to the marine corps shop right next door. I wanted to get a purple heart so I would never have to pay for dinner again, but the lady said I needed papers signed by my XO (executive officer). I did hold it in my hand though. I opted for a tee shirt and dog tags.

Semper Fi.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

A Thousand Apologies

I'm at the beach and heading to Mexico today so you know that will be good.

I arrived here Friday night. As the good son-in-law, I flew down with Gram. Our travel was not without some funny escapades.... I'm wheeling her through McCarran Airport, during summer, and people are everywhere. They suddenly stop or weave and pushing a wheelchair at my usual amped up pace required serious manuevering skills. Once we got to the security line I was ambushed by TSI. Apparantly grandmothers in wheelchairs with knee replacements are high up on the list of terror suspects given the thoroughness of their search. They took her one way, and said to me, "you go that way...and take ALL the carry on luggage." Not good. I have a hard time getting through security with just my stuff - cpap machine, computer, pocketful of metal doohickeys, bling, glasses, sunglasses...I'm a 2 maybe 3 bin guy. Now chuck in Grammy's stuff - HER oxygen machine, shoes, carryon and what not, and I have the entire conveyor belt locked up with my gear. Whew....Next up, a walk through the metal detector. Didn't pass. Had to take my belt off. It didn't want to fit in the soup bowl so I just rammed it behind the little curtain all the while a dozen eyes were trained on me. Meanwhile, the people behind me are craning their necks, the line is getting longer, and I'm sweating like camel driver. I REPEAT FOR THE WORLD: When was the last time someone who wasn't a middle eastern man hijack an airplane? You have to go back to DB Cooper in the early 1970's. Profile those cats all day long. Stip search them but leave me and grammy alone.

More from the Baja later.