Keith and the Magic Sleep Machine

Regular blog readers will know that sleep tests over the past 6 weeks have revealed I have a severe sleep disorder (I know, it sounds lame). I was prescribed a bipap auto sv machine to hook up to a mask that I wear at night and will be my sleep buddy for the rest of my life. Here are some early observations:

Day 1: I excitedly picked up my machine at 9am and spent a good 90 minutes learning the ins and outs of how it works with the technician so I wouldn't blow up the house or pop my lungs. I promptly drove home, put it together with Janae's patient help(I refused to look at the directions - obviously), strapped on the mask, hit the on button....and then fell sleep for 3 hours in the middle of the day. I was so tired. When I woke up, I shot out some emails and couldn't wait to hit the sack later that night for the real thing.

I woke up the next day feeling okay, not great. Thought to myself, "doesn't work, send it back." This is the impatient/bad Keith talking.

Day 2: Feeling better - woke up at 5:30am and said to myself, "Hell must have froze over," since I would never, ever, ever get up that early. I am pleased to also announce that I have already perfected my "middle of the night" turns where the prior night I had to be careful not to strangle myself with the hose. I had it wrapped around my neck on the first night like an umbilical cord. Tossing and turning isn't necessarily a good thing when one is tethered via 6' long tube to The Magic Sleep Machine. I actually used a scuba move about 4am to move the hose above my head. Piece of cake.

Today Janae and I left windy, windy, windy Las Vegas for Pebble Beach, California. Golf trips are fun, but lugging the bags is a hassle PLUS I have to take The Magic Sleep Machine wherever I go. Doc's orders. Since this is now my one and only carry on, I have to check everything else and stuff my sleep machine case with pills (only the good ones), my laptop (minus unwieldy cord), books, kitchen sink, and day planner (I'm old school, I need to write it down). The bag weighs a ton. It was laughable as I went through security. I needed 4 bins to get my glasses, watch, belt, shoes, jacket, laptop, sleep machine, sunglasses, chewing gum (the foil wrapper sets off the machine), through the x-ray machine and then walk barefoot (with socks) over a quadrillion germs. TSA gal hollers, "Bag Check." The line grinds to a halt. I look back and my fellow travelers are not happy.

All this security is so annoying. When is the last time someone other than a Middle Eastern dude actually hijacked an airplane? I'm gonna have to go with DB Cooper. He parachuted out of a Northwest Orient jet with $200,000 bucks back in the 1971. This is the last US based hijacking. Now, nearly 40 years later grandmother's get routinely hasseled going through security.....and guys with Magic Sleep Machines.


We flew into San Jose and had a nice drive over the mountains.....My old high school playground, Santa Cruz, sits a bit north, and the smells, and the air all brought back wonderful memories of the days of my romantic, colorful, and spirited youth. We stopped at a roadside cherry stand and had a blast eating cherries and tossing the pits out the window of the car as we sped toward Monterrey.

And so for the next few days I will be fortunate to play Pebble Beach, Spyglass, and Spanish Bay. We lucked out on the weather too since it should be in the 70's here and that is a heat wave.

Sleep beckons.