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Random thoughts....

Funerals

What is the deal with funerals where the casket is open, and the dead person lays there looking....well....dead? By this point in the process, all of their insides have been yanked out, their blood drained and replaced by embalming fluid, pasty makeup is applied often heavily and in some cases, the deceased isn't even dressed from below the belt since only half the body shows anyway.

To make matters even more odd, we hold a "viewing" where anybody who wants to can stand in line, and then have a few moments to stare at the dead person. Awkward.
This always, always, produces a "He looks good" from a family member or someone standing in line next to me. Are you kidding? I'm going on record here: NOBODY LOOKS GOOD DEAD. It's true. Look it up.

Me? I wanted to be cremated and have my ashes spread over Augusta National Golf Course.

Tipping

I tip like everyone else and since I was a waiter and tended bar in college I will usually go overboard if the service is even moderately decent. Even when it sucks, I go the standard 15%. I'll go to 50% of more if there is a compelling reason to do it....sob story, poor starving student/artist/writer, etc...

The part about tipping that gets annoying isn't so much at restaurants, it's at hotels. The cab pulls up and you tip that guy...easy. There is a guy who does nothing more than open the car door, welcome you to the property, and lift your bags onto a cart that is being held by a bellman. The doorman needs some love so you pop him some cash. Next stop is the front desk. The manager or butler then escort you to your room (okay so maybe not everyone gets this part) - this guy needs a whole lotta love.....finally, the bellman arrives and he needs at least a 20 spot. But wait....we're not done yet. The pillows need to be changed and we need more towels and ice....a housekeeping attendant shows up and they need some cheese too. I haven't even popped open a can of $5 dollar diet coke and I'm out $50 bucks just getting my luggage in the house.

And then there is the whole "who do you tip and not tip" at Christmastime. As the "Hardest Working Man in the Insurance Business," I don't get any tips. I give tips. Granted I usually get some insane good-looking gift baskets but they are all filled with 5 year old cans of cookies, crackers, cheese, and wine which I don't drink. I want to but I can't.

Tip at Christmas if you get good service througout the year - otherwise forget it. Where does it end?

Drunk Driving Musings

Just about every week a celebrity or athlete is arrested for drunken behavior - last week Cedric Benson of da Bears was pulled over ON HIS BOAT for drunk boating. He had to be pepper sprayed and restrained with handcuffs. Today's news was that Lofa Tatupu who plays for the Seahawks was pulled over in a drive through, handcuffed, and lugged back to the clink.

In each case, these guys and everyone else, except Mel Gibson, who gets pulled over says they had one or two beers, or none at all....as their blood level exceeds legal limits by 2 or even 3 times when tested back at the station. Mel as we all know seems to have a problem with blacks and jews and practices old school catholic mass...that is performed in Latin. But he was GREAT in the Lethal Weapon series.

If you drink. Don't drive.