Oh the Pain of It All

I was up early today and headed to my spine specialist for an 8:30am appointment. What on earth am I doing going to a spine doctor you ask? Well, for quite some time I've experienced back pain ranging from moderate to severe-stand-up-straight-and go "Whoa, that hurt," pain for about the past 5 years (Golf injury getting progressively worse).

After years of stretching and an admitted lame attempt at rehab for exercising of the back and core muscles, I sought the help of trusted Doc Eells. He suggested an x-ray and MRI. For me this would have to be done in the afternoon since I'm bad at mornings, and afternoons were usually scheduled for golf so getting an actual diagnosis proved to be a difficult task that spanned 18 months - hey, I'm a busy guy. Plus, in my mind, my spine looked like the pipes under the sink - all curvy and whatnot. I just didn't care for it to be confirmed medically.

A few weeks ago, after all the tests were done, I met with a spine specialist, the wonderful Jorg Rosler whose German training is as precise as the engineering in any Porsche.

Jorg pulled out the MRI and held it up to the light and proceeded to show me where two of my discs were poking out of my spine ever so slightly. These two rascals were what were causing me fits and making me feel OLD. Jorg gave me a couple of shots in my rear-end before I left for Mexico, prescribed some meds, and said, "Have a good time, see you when you get back." He sounded like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Haha.




So today was the day for my spinal injection. To say I was floored when he said, "The anesthesiologist will be in shortly to start your catheter," would be an understatement.

"Hold on Doc, I thought you were just giving me some shots, uh, like last time," I managed to spit out.

He laughed. "No, no, no....those shots were nothing, today we are injecting right into your discs."




Uh oh, discs as in PLURAL? This meant not just one shot either. I asked him, "Do I have to go under? Can't I just get a local anesthetic and have you do it?"

He paused, and sort of hemmed and hawed, "Well, if you want to." Remember, he sounds like the Governator.

"Will it hurt?" I croaked.

"You should be fine Keith."

Okay then. I was going to get some shots in my back. I let out a big sigh and started to lift up my shirt and he chuckled, "No, not here, we are going to the procedure room."

"But this is where you did the other shots," I said. He laughed some more. Good crowd.

I followed him down a long hallway until we entered what appeared to be a small operating room. This was "The Procedure Room." Maybe that's the term Germans use for operating room?

I met the anesthesiologist who wasn't too happy at losing out on $800 bucks since I wasn't going under.

He was a real kick. "Just using local huh?"

"Yeah." I figured, it was just a needle - it couldn't hurt that much although since everyone I had bumped into said, amusingly, the same thing, "You're not using anesthesia?"

I immediately began to second guess my decision on the meds but I was already face down with my shirt pulled up and pants yanked down exposing the small of my back. "No biggie," I thought, this will be over soon and I can go grab some breakfast."

When the first needle when in I felt fine, until it kept going in. OUCH.

"Anyone ever tell you that you have a deep back?" Jorg blurted. By now the pain was searing.

"Uh, no, never, not really but maybe that's what makes my ass look so good." Everyone laughed except me. The pain was making me sweat.

Jorg had moved on to the 2nd injection. More sweat. Waves of nausea began to come over me. Uh oh.

"I need a longer needle," Jorg quipped.

"You're kidding right?"

"No."




I could feel the needle being pulled out only to learn that he was only HALFWAY done. Holy Smokes! I told him, "Mach Schnell!" which is "hurry up" in German. I'd learned this on Hogan's Heroes.

Jorg began to sense he was losing me to blacking out and asked me a bunch of stupid questions. "Who's your favorite football team?" "EEEEEEAGLES....YOURS?"

3rd needle just being pulled out.

"BREATHING IS NOT OPTIONAL KEITH," said Jorg, loudly.

4th needle going in. More sweat. More nausea. "What the..."

Then, I felt the needle being pulled out. We were done. I reached under the headrest to push my eyeballs back into their sockets, and managed to pulled myself up.

"You did great Keith,"echoed throughout the room. Me? I wanted to vomit.

I then said, "Next time I'm going under." Everyone busted up. Some dude came to push me into recovery and the lady there looked at me funny.

I said, "I guess I don't need recovery since I didn't go under."

She eyed me again with all of her 60 plus years of wisdom and said, "I need to take your vitals."

I'll be back there on February 13th for another round of shots including an epidural that should last for several months.

I'm going under.

Way under.

Rebel Rebel

FINALLY feeling better after the Mexico debacle. I did take the Saturday flight through Atlanta and gutted it out in the Delta lounge quaffing ginger ale and eating pretzels while charging up my laptop so I could watch "24" on the ride home. Watching Jack Bauer save the United States from disaster kept my attention from wandering and allowed me to survive 4 hours in the air next to a big, fat, cigar-smelling guy who had the aisle seat, thus stuffing me next to the window. Again, I had to focus to the nth degree and gut it out. Ebong met me in baggage claim and whisked me home. Home never felt so good. I was glad that Doc Eells took care of my meds and I tossed those down with a couple cans of diet pepsi. It was 12:30am and I wasn't tired, so I watched the Australian Open final between Rafa Nadal and Roger Federer. That took me to 4:30am - I fell asleep then.

I arose the next day feeling much better and not just because it was Super Bowl Sunday. I kept an eye on the pre-game show but seriously, a 5 hour lead in to the game with Al Roker and Conan O'Brian and other assorted NBC stars was pitiful. Even Bob Costas doesn't shouldn't be doing football games - he's too small and he dyes his hair. Football players don't dye their hair Bob.

The game was a snoozefest until the 4th quarter (with the exception of the half-ending play by James Harrison) and then all hell broke loose and we had, for the 2nd year in a row no less, the greatest Super Bowl ever played. It's sort of like Nadal-Federer; each final is the best tennis match of all time. Contemporary society demands platitudes and superlatives. So be it.

Oh yeah, and the Steelers won the game. No one remembers the loser.

I'm am tormented right now. The cause of my lament? A bum left shoulder that is keeping me off the golf course. MRI next week, doc visit the following week and then either injections of WD-40 or the wing gets scoped.

Jake continues to trek the muddy streets of Ecuador. What I like about Jake is that he adapts so well to different places. He's at ease anywhere in the world and that disposition will serve him well in life.

Alec and Tiff continue their journey as a young, married couple. We hope to see them in a few weeks for UNLV-UTAH.





We were at the Rebel game last night and watched a close game versus San Diego State University. Alas, UNLV was beat for the first time in 3+ years on their home court during a conference game. This was not a good loss although the game did provide some funny moments. Well, actually, the funny stuff happened before the game. Here goes.... Janae and I were running late and we got to the Thomas & Mack midway through the first half. As we pulled up to the orange parking lot, the lady says, "Lot's full," and wandered away. I saw another parking guy coming so I told Janae, "Tell him I'm handicapped." She hesitated, but I had already gone into character. The guy says to Janae, "He doesnt' look so good." "Bad back," she croaked nervously.

Apparently I looked really pathetic to the point where the guy moved a bunch of orange parking cones and served us up a front row spot! I had to maintain character, so I whispered to Janae, "Come over and help me out of the car." She rolled her eyes. I giggled.

As Janae AND the parking guy were helping me out of the car I had to bite my tongue to surpress my laughter. My neck was cocked to one side, I pulled my right elbow in, and I shuffled like Ray Charles. As I walked toward the escalators, Janae kept looking back to see if the guy was looking - he was - so I had to maintain the limp/gimp strut. At the top of the stairs Janae said the guy wasn't looking so we bolted to the entrance. I was laughing and Janae was worried about our Karma.

What's Karma?

Montezuma Got His Revenge

We've been in Mexico for nearly a week and the past 2 days have been agony for me. I just lay around and moan, "mama." I just want to be home. Being sick 10 hours from home sucks. We're not due to leave for 4 more days but I'm seriously considering hopping a flight tomorrow. I want to be in my own bed.

The Mexico trip was poorly planned. We did it right after Gram's funeral and we ended up taking advice on a hotel that I will never stay in again. There are 10 things wrong with this hotel, and the biggest one is I got sick at it. We've been to Mexico before and I gotta say I think I'm through with it. Hawaii here we come. Or back to Jamaica. Nah, that place is too dirty. I'm sticking with Hawaii.

We had dinner at Carlos and Charlies the other night and the waiter said is name was "Astro." But it didn't come out like that so I said, "Your name is a**hole?" This is probably where my illness came from since I'm not laughing now. I find Cancun to be like Las Vegas with a beach. Never again. Now last year we were in Playa del Carmen and stayed at the Fairmont Mayakoba - that place rocked.

And so I sit here in my robe, chomping on malox, immodium and pepto bismol and drinking ginger ale. All first class seats are sold out for tomorrow on US Aire so I can't even get home if I wanted to. The option would be to go coach and that's really not an option for me now is it? Sunday is possible but the holiest of holy events takes place that day: The Super Bowl. Jake would disown me if I spent the day flying and missed the game. Janae tossed another option: Delta through Atlanta. Pay the one way fare and keep the credit on US Air.....hmmmmmm.......

I may make it home tomorrow after all.

ROCK ON!

I'm spent. 15 hours of football over this weekend and I tivo'd NFL Primetime and Sportscenter which I'm watching for the 4th time right now. I know Jake would be proud.

My beloved Eagles went to the Meadowlands and seal-clubbed the Giants for the 2nd time in 38 days. This game was for a trip to the NFC title game and our victory means we head to Arizona to play the once hapless but now dangerous Cardinals.

To say that this has been a great sports year is an understatement: Phillies, Utes and now the Eagles? Can destiny be stopped? No.

Since church started at 9am I was able to be there for most of sacrament meeting but had to skip out a tad early since kickoff was at 10am. Fan is short for "Fanatic." I'm a fanatic. I did keep my white shirt on all day though.




In 20 degree weather with gusting winds, the eagle guys didn't wear long sleeves while most of the giant players wore them. Obviously, this tilted the mental toughness edge to the eagles but lets face it, that's just a pretty stupid tough guy ploy. Their next game will be in sunny and warm Phoenix. Just in case, they have a stadium with a roof that can be open or closed so weather won't be a factor. We just need to pressure their qb Kurt Warner into submission.

I hoping for an Eagles-Steelers Super Bowl AND for one of our insurance companies to invite me to the game like 2 years ago when I sat in the rain and watched the Colts take out da Bears. Or I can watch in in High-def at home.

Go Eagles

The Keith Show

I view my life as sort of a screwball comedy. There is always something funny or slightly amiss going on. Me? I don't take much seriously. Living with a comic 24 hours a day can grind away at Janae, but it's the deal she made and she's stickin' to it. At least for now.

Episodes of My Life

Lately, to fulfill my hypochrondriac fantasy, I've been seen by Doc Eells, a spine doc for the arthritis in my back, and an orthopedic doc for my left shoulder ailments. Got a bad wing that's gonna need some surgery so I can get back out on the links. All that body and health stuff will sort itself out - eventually.

It's the wandering into doctors offices that is always amusing. From the patients to the staff to the docs themselves, I actually have to bite my tongue keep from making wisecracks.

I also have my mother in law living with us as she is at the end stage of pulmonary fibrosis. Janae and her sister Christine have been angels while taking care of their mom. Janae struggles at times since it's a no-win deal and all she can really do is make her mom comfortable.

Being a caregiver 24/7 is tough work. Our sleep patterns are seriously messed up and they were bad to begin with. I knew I had entered the twilight zone the other day when I turned around in the hallway to see my sister-in-law wearing a swim suit, SARS mask, and clogs - her shower attire to bathe Grammy. It was just something that Keith doesn't see every day.....and it startled him.

I became distressed this week when I learned that the Bunkers are leaving on a mission next summer. Who is going to drop off the always delicious Holiday Salsa and Doritos to me? Davey! Help!




And so the beat goes on. Jake is on the downhill side and for me he can't get home soon enough. Yeah the mission is great, yeah it's what we raise them to do but it is terribly difficult to see your son wave goodbye and not see him again for 2 years.



This had all better be true or I'll be pissed.

Utes: National Champs

I agree with the sports columnist Rick Reilly when he felt that Utah deserved to be crowned the national champ in football. In fact, since the title is mythical anyway and the BCS has done nothing to ensure a true national champ is crowned, I'm just going to maintain that since Utah ran the table, didn't lose a game, and seal-clubbed those Alabama boys back to their sheds, that they are the champs.

In the absence of a playoff, 4 teams have each made arguments that they are the nation's best. With the exception of Utah, each has to explain away their one loss. USC was beat by Oregon State (a team Utah beat if one were to go use the "BYU Argument"). Florida lost to Ole' Miss and Texas lost to Oklahoma. Utah? They don't have to explain nuthin' - they won all of their games.

The "BYU Argument" will cleary show that Utah beat the very same Oregon State team that beat USC; that Ole Miss beat Florida, then lost to South Carolina who beat Tennessee who lost to Wyoming while Utah beat Wyoming - 40 to 7. Finally, Texas lost to Texas Tech who was beat by....you guessed it, Ole Miss...who beat Florida...

Quod erat demonstrandum (Q.E.D.).





Utah Utes: 2009 National Champs

2009

Now that 2008 is out of the way, I am looking forward to a great '09.

In summary, 2008 was sort of a transition year. For starters, we dropped Jake off at the MTC on January 2nd for prepartion to serve his mission in Ecuador. Coming on the heels of New Year's this really didn't give any of us much time to reflect on the holiday season of '07 or really even prepare very well (me anyway) for his departure. My loneliness afterward was gut wrenching. I was so sad. Alec and Tiffany had just been married and they moved to Utah so our once busy home became eerily quiet....nearly overnight. I was crushed. A quick trip to Petland fixed that and within days of losing Jake, we then had a 9 week old Golden Retriever....I named him Buddy. This was our 3rd dog to go along with the 4 cats who made our home one big circus. Buddy lasted about 8 months before we decided to give him up to a lovely family who always longed for a Golden Retriever. Buddy is now the center of attention for 2 little boys; he tags along on the mom's daily jog; manages to pull out the father's newly planted flowers and small bushes and, I'm sure, gives the Oswald family back more love than they ever dreamed of getting from a dog. I was glad that move worked out so well for everyone.

In May I was diagnosed with a severe case of sleep apnea. Each night I now go to sleep wearing a mask that is hooked up via tubing to a bipap machine (aka The Magic Sleep Machine) to help me get the proper amount of oxygen my body needs to keep all the major organs working properly. Within days of first using the MSM, the affects were positive - lifechanging. GREAT! Janae actually sleeps better now too since the MSM is much quieter than my Fred Flintstone-like snoring.

At work, 2008 was another fun challenge. More than ever, we helped clients navigate through some very difficult economic times. Our staff, as always, did a great job of obtaining bids, lowering costs, and working hard to provide our customers with the best insurance program availale at the best price. I'm grateful to have a job that allows me to work from just about anywhere as long as there is cell phone service and wireless internet access. I'm blessed to have excellent people that have worked with me for a long, long time.

The year also saw Alec return to school and continue his education after serving two years on his mission in dusty Piura, Peru. Alec's studies are so hard they actually make me laugh. It's good there are people like him out there in the world.

My golf game saw some great rounds and some not so great rounds. My best round of the year was a 73 with most scores coming in between 75 and 82. The year was highlighted by trips to Pebble Beach and Valhalla. Everyone knows about Pebble Beach and it's nice and all that but Valhalla is a gem of a course built in Louisville, Kentucky. It recently hosted the Ryder Cup. This is a competition held every other year where the best professional golfers from the United States play the best golfers from Europe. Not only is the name "Valhalla" really cool, but he course is gorgeous - in that mid-western tree and green sort of way. Also played the famed Olympic Club in San Francisco - the course is better than Pebble but no ocean. It's famous because it has hosted some 1/2 dozen US Opens, US Amateurs, and other world class golf competitions.

My own golf game has declined a bit recently. I haven't played much in the past 2 months with distractions being the holidays, cold weather, and super busy work schedule. The time is coming where I hope to get out 2 to 3 times a week. I have a lot of clients that like to play so I can kill two birds with one stone; take care of business on the golf course. I never quit working!

Toward the end of the year we moved Janae's mother in with us as a result of an on-going illness. We have plenty of space at the house, and Janae is great caregiver. Her sister Christine has been out for about a week now and her return to her family in Illinois is up in the air right now. We have some home health care people that come by the house several times a week so that takes a bit of the load off of the gals. A lot of visitors have stopped by to see Joyce - many from far away. It's great that family members have made the effort to make these trips to see Joyce one last time. We have all been touched by the outpouring of love and tenderness that has been exhibited by everyone.

2008 was historic for the implosion of Wall Street. Greedy corporate CEO's whose only goal was to inflate their company's stock price were exposed as liars, cheaters, imposters and thieves. Stock prices were inflated due to poor information yet these men all profited by playing this game. It's a shame that so many working class families were wiped out due to the greed of those who were supposed to lead these companies. Hopefully we have all heard the last of this sort of crap and that our nation will bounce back stronger than ever.

The most historic event, arguably, was the election of Barack Obama as our nation's president. He is the first black ever elected to our country's top political office. While I disagree with the man's politics, I have grown to like him. I look forward to seeing what his goals are for our nation and how he will face the numerous challenges the people of the united States face at this time.

GoBama



My tribe just finished watching the 2009 Sugar Bowl. Utah wiped the floor with Alabama 31-17. Two things came to mind while watching the game: So called football experts, including the national media, give zero respect (with the exception being USC) to football teams west of the rocky mountains, and the hype and accolades generated for Alabama was most definitely alcohol induced. No way should Alabama have been ranked #1 for 5 weeks. They are a top 10 school at best. Tonight's game is yet another reason why a college football playoff is needed. Wouldn't a Utah-USC national semi-final look good? On the other side would be the winners of the Texas-Ohio State game, and the Florida-Oklahoma game. Now we're talking.